jonas, cave, dark, netflix, still, screen grab, 2017


Dir; Baran bo Odar.  Starring: Oliver Masucci, Karoline Eichhorn, Louis Hoffman.  2017.  NR.  Color.  10 Ep.

photo of tv series dark poster, caves, trees, forrest

After the inevitable bingeing of Netflix‘s ’80s throwback, “Stranger Things,” fans will be craving a new series to fill the void and DARK is just the series to do that.  DARK is a combination of drama and sci-fi: the double crossing, the affairs, the murders, and – the time travel.  The title lends not a glimpse into what you’re about to see – and I don’t even know how to write this review without spoiling it for you.  My suggestion is to stop reading here, turn off the lights, close the curtains, and go watch all 10 episodes.  Do so blind: read nothing, skip the trailer, pass over the about section, and hit play.  Afterwards, take a moment to let it sink in.  Let your mind readjust, and then continue reading this review, as if you and I were having a conversation about what we just witnessed.



DARK plunges you into a world that takes away everything you thought you knew about time. It introduces you to the residents of Winden, a small German town, who are caught up in something much bigger than themselves.  There is an overarching storyline which gives you the sense that there is a bigger character than the actors you are watching on the screen, and that character is time.  Time is something we all have in common, something that crosses all cultures, and something we all want more of. To begin, and to set the tone, the opening scene is a suicide, in a dim attic office.  As a native English speaker, with very little knowledge of Germanic languages, reading the title cards and following the story made this show entirely captivating. The guttural tones of the language add to the sinking feeling that something terrible is going on in this town.

Right away we are swept into the life of Ulrich Nielson (Oliver Masucci), a cop with weak morals who is having an affair with the widow of the man who killed himself in the opening scene.  From here we are thrown into events that are beyond comprehension – first we learn a boy is missing, Erik Obendorf, and there are zero leads.  Next, a second boy goes missing, Mikkel (Daan Lennard Liebrenz), Ulrich’s son, while out in the woods with his siblings and Jonas Kahnwald (Louis Hofmann), who is the son of the widow and the man who hung himself. This is when everything becomes incredibly entangled with time and it is no longer about “where” these boys have gone missing to, but “when.”

If only that was the single mystery to be worked out, this might have been a simpler series.  However, it is not.  The town’s major source of employment, the nuclear power plant, is hiding something, and just when it feels as if we might have grasped what is transpiring, a dead boy is discovered in the woods- the place where Mikkel first disappeared- but nein, it is not Mikkel, nor is it Erik.  It is a third boy, with ghastly wounds disfiguring his face. The townsfolk are all thinking the same thing – this has happened before. The same strange occurrences are happening again, dead sheep, birds falling from the sky, neighborhood boys disappearing into thin air.  The first boy to go missing was in 1986 – Ulrich’s brother, Mads Nielson.  As a cop and a brother, Ulrich must relive the events of 1986 to try to piece together the disappearance of his own son. As he untangles the web he finds himself going back to the year 1953 to try to stop the man he believes is responsible.

Jonas, a worn-down young man struggling with the untimely death of his father, begins a journey of his own, into the discovery of his father’s true heritage and how he is entangled with Mikkel’s disappearance.  Not immediately clear, we learn through a series of time-travel related events, that Mikkel is in fact, Jonas’s father.  Jonas learns this from a letter Mikkel has left behind for him. Jonas travels back in time to 1986 through the cave-system inside Winden’s forrest, part of which is owned by the Nuclear Power Plant, and sees this for himself.  Jonas’s story is incredible, as you learn that he would not exist if it were not for the disappearance of Mikkel.  Mikkel is alive and well in 1986, where he meets Jonas’s mother, Hannah, the very widow having an affair with Ulrich, who we now know would be her true father-in-law.  Jonas becomes a mysterious figure himself, from the past and the future, as he takes on the disappearance of the boys and tries to set time back on track in Winden.

I’ve only skimmed the top of this deeply unsettling series – also entangled in Winden’s mysteries are the Tiedemanns and the Dopplers, two families with their own private issues and roots that go deep into the past of Winden.  As the series plays out, it feels as if we are being let in on a profound and well kept secret. The mysteries continue to pile up, bit by bit is revealed, but nothing is wrapped up in these quick 10 episodes.  The imagery is beautiful, though the subject matter is dark and weighty.  It’s as if you have been passed the torch, and you now possess the knowledge of Winden, while it’s residents still have yet to fully discover what it’s hiding deep within it’s caves. Each resident of this town has been touched by the secret, and they have yet to put it all together.  We are left at the end, with Jonas being welcomed to the future – he is no longer in 1986, nor 1953, and it is definitely not 2019. DARK is unforgettable and I am eagerly awaiting part two.

Suck Factor: out of 7 (7 means your movie really SUCKS!)

Written by The Girl

*The Suck Factor! – How it Works

I’ve flipped the switch on the standard rating system for film criticism. Instead of rating a movie with stars or letters representing how good a film is, I rank films from 0 to 7 to tell you how much a movie SUCKS! So if the film is a masterpiece, like “The Godfather” for example, then it gets a 0 on my scale, meaning the movie gives 0 SUCKS! If the movie is absolutely terrible, for instance every Michael Bay film, it scores a 7 so you know to avoid it at all costs.

For all other movie review requests, feel free to comment here, or send us a message! & Don’t forget to sign up for updates in the sidebar to the right so you’ll never miss a review!

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“Cheers” – A Character Study, 24 years later

photo of cheers cast

Warning. Feminist opinions on 80’s television incoming.

Cheers was an ’80’s staple.  Almost nothing changes throughout it’s impressive 11 year run. People prefer for things to stay the same; “if it’s not broke, don’t fix it.”  That was the mantra of Cheers.  At least this is how it was seeing as I had already watched other hit series that came after CheersFriends, How I Met Your Mother, Seinfeld Removing what I know of television from the 90’s and 00’s while watching the predecessor was difficult, so of course there is some bias.  I would also like to point out that, whatever my opinion here, I do recognize that without Cheers, TV might have looked much different (for example we wouldn’t have had 20 years of Dr. Frasier Crane).

Where to start?

It feels like I’ve been with these characters for years, however it has only been about 6 months.  6 months to binge watch a decade + of hard work and dedication. This says something else entirely about our “all-or nothing,”and “instantaneous” culture, one that I can’t believe I’m participating in so wholly.  More on that another time.

Let’s start with the backbone of Cheers, and I’m not talking about the bar itself. I’m talking about the characters. Cheers wasn’t exactly known for it’s character development, remember, status-quo was ideal for this show.  You could tune in to any episode and not feel lost.  The first 5 seasons would be a typical mix of the following:

‣Sam and Diane fighting

‣Norm drinking too much beer from his perch on the corner barstool

‣ Cliff shouting random facts at uninterested bar patrons

‣Frasier giving out some textbook mental health advice for anyone within ear shot

‣Coach and/or Woody saying something completely stupid or incredibly insightful

‣Carla slinging insults like it was her job.

After Diane left, the next 6 seasons were replaced with Sam and Rebecca fighting instead. Oh, I forgot to mention Lilith, and, well there’s also Lilith.  There you have it.  A cocktail for any episode of Cheers.

Sam –Ted Danson

photo of Sam Malone from Cheers

What can I say.  Sam is the archetypal ladies man with horrible come-ons that could have only been popular in the ’80s. Of course, he’s endearing in his own way – he has a bit of charm, the kind that comes with being completely full of yourself.  Sam is a washed up relief pitcher for the Red Sox, an alcoholic, and a bar owner.  He has the wisdom to be a real mentor, but his character is almost never given the opportunity.  For a bit he babysits Freddie, Frasier’s kid, and he thinks maybe he wants children of his own – yet the writers never give Sam Malone a child.  His baby is the bar, as we learn in the finale, that is what he always comes back to, what he always takes care of.  There is no room for a child when you run a bar part time and hit on the ladies full time.

Diane – Shelley Long

photo of Diane chambers, shelley long, cheersAnd the prize for world’s most annoying character in the history of television goes to Shelley Long for her portrayal of Diane Chambers.  At every turn Diane was correcting someone.  She would go on at lengths to describe her everyday trials and tribulations.  She would trail off to herself, losing every listener, and then happily go on her way as if she didn’t just waste 2 minutes of precious screen time.  I would often say I need a break from Diane when watching this series.  I want to say it’s not often that something annoys me this greatly, but that’s probably not true so I’ll just keep my mouth shut on the subject of my ability to determine great annoyances. I must insist that her character was impossibly, dare I say infamously, annoying. (Do I sound like Diane, anyone?)  Here I was incredibly excited for a strong, intelligent female lead, a character that lent a hand in immortalizing an iconic TV show (So iconic the original bar in Boston changed it’s name to Cheers.)  Instead of leaving it at that, the writer’s morphed her into a weak and irksome blonde waitress. IE: She falls for Sam, the exact type of male she professes to be a turn-off.  Her potential to do so much more is stifled by the writers need to have every single episode appear in the bar – we don’t leave it for all of season 1 – so of course, Diane falls into place alongside Carla as waitress. When Diane finally left the show, it was no surprise to know the reason was that she “didn’t want to keep doing the same episode over and over again and the same story … I didn’t want it to become old and stale.”  While it was becoming old and stale already at season 5, the writers and producers charged ahead with the same basic plot lines for the next 6 seasons, mixing it up a bit here and there, but never really developing the characters beyond their archetypes, or giving any one character much of a story line outside of the bar, besides, perhaps Dr. Krane and wife, Lilith.

Coach – Nicholas Colasanto

photo of coach, ernie pantusso, nicholas colasanto from cheersThis dear old man was perhaps the most genuine character on Cheers, with his much too literal sense of everything, you couldn’t help but laugh.  At the same time, Coach was a wise old man with everyone’s best interests at heart, and his way of relating everything back to baseball was on point.  One of the best episodes that focused on Coach was with his daughter, specifically this scene.  It’s better watched than told – the sentiment does not come across through words on a screen, the emotions were palpable.  I would have loved to see heart like this in each episode, not just once every few seasons.  In addition, Coach should have had a better send off – his demise was truly sad and  I felt it was not properly addressed on the show –  He had been a major character on Cheers, but all we hear about his death? “Oh, Coach, he passed away.” Why couldn’t they do a funeral episode? Or would that mean bringing down the bar-jokes and insults a notch?  Giving Coach a proper send off would not have hurt their ratings – rather it might have pumped them up.

Woody – Woody Harrelson

photo of woody boyd, woody harrelson, cheersWoody was quite clearly brought in to replace Coach – Nicholas Colasanto was sick and the writers knew he’d be gone before long.  They even joke on the show – “Oh, this is Coach’s boy?”  No, he’s just a midwestern farm boy come to make it in the big city. Woody’s innocence is delightfully misplaced in Sam Malone’s bar – his hardworking attitude, however, is not.  Woody makes his way up to head bartender, once Rebecca is placed in charge of the bar, and you could say Woody’s character becomes a bit more developed over the years as he gets married and becomes a city councilman, however he doesn’t seem to have wised up any, he’s still as innocent as ever.  Oh, Woody.

Cliff – John Ratzenberger

photo of clifford clavin, john ratzenberger from cheersClifford Clavin was brought on to the show as a regular, because every Boston bar has a know-it-all.  Often times you couldn’t help but feel sad for Cliff.  You know, he’s not a bad looking guy.  He could have married, he could have had a family, you know, a family that didn’t consist solely of his mother.  But, alas, he was in contest with Ms. Chambers for world’s most annoying character in the history of television.  He didn’t win, mind you, and he had 6 extra seasons compared to Ms. Chambers – but by-golly did he try.  Cliff’s quips and fun-facts really don’t stand out in my mind – but his voice does.  That voice is quite original; fun-fact, he played the voice of Hamm, the pig in Toy Story.

Norm – George Wendt

photo of Norm peterson, cheersNORM!! I’m not sure what’s more famous, Norm, or his greeting when he walks into Cheers.  Norm is known for exactly one thing throughout the entire series: Drinking Beer.  He even comes within reach of being a professional beer taster, but in classic Norm style, he bungles it.  Every now and again you think Norm is about to say something profound, but then he just asks Carla to pour another pint.  Norm’s character truly had me disgusted during the episode where he and Cliff display some serious homophobia.  The episode has Norm and Cliff wishing all the gay folk would leave, or THEY would. As I understand it, Cheers was heralded for broaching the topic in such a divisive decade – but in the end, no one came away any wiser and less homophobic – the Gays just got the jump on Norm and made him look like a fool.  I do like what the episode is trying to say, gay folks are indistinguishable from straight folks, but couldn’t they have ended with a heartfelt apology from Norm? That’s what I want to see, the big burly straight man say, “Look, I was wrong.  Please have a seat next to me and I’ll buy you a beer.”  No, instead the ending is a shocked Norm being kissed on either cheek by the gay couple amongst them.  In the end, Norm’s character is no more developed than the first episode.  He’s seen asking Woody, the City Councilman, to lengthen unemployment benefits, and again, asking for a job when presumably his benefits have run out.  At least he’s back in his original career of accounting, letting go of the painting business.

Frasier – Kelsey Grammer

photo of frasier krane, kelsey grammer, cheersDr. Frasier Crane has probably the most in-depth story line that we actually witness: He starts out at the bar, single, and falls in love with a fellow professional, Dr. Lilith Sternin.  He marries Lilith, and they have a baby named Freddie. Eventually Lilith cheats on him and leaves him.  Frasier is, once again, single in the bar. When Lilith returns, she wants him back, and they remain together until the end of Cheers.  How sweet.  This emotional ride is offset by Dr. Crane’s imaginative character flaws, advising others with advice he might take for himself, and by Lilith’s stern (no pun intended) appearance and robotic voice.  They are a match made in a psychologist’s experiment. For all the knowledge Dr. Crane has, one would think he could maintain a positive relationship with his wife, yet he does not, and it’s hard to decide why.  Is it because he has been sucked into the atmosphere of the bar? Is it because he is truly self centered? I’m not sure – and I intend to find out more by watching all of Frasier – so stay tuned for that follow up review.

Lilith – Bebe Neuwirth

photo of Lilith Sternin, bebe neuwirth, cheersLilith is cold, robotic, and yet, falls for any semi-attractive man who looks her way.  She demonstrates this by nearly ripping Sam’s shirt off while guest appearing on a talk-show, flirting (however strangely) with men in the bar, and finally by betraying her husband by having an affair with her co-worker. They tease on the affair by overplaying Frasier flirting with other women, and cutting to Lilith’s look of disgust.  At least I assume this is disgust she is displaying, it’s hard to discern from her other facial expressions.  So, when she strays romantically, it is surprising, but not altogether unbelievable. Lilith does not appear to change herself over time, just amplifies the qualities her character started out with.  Lilith’s affair was the writers’ way of humanizing her.  I’m surprised they didn’t try to make her slightly more motherly, or chummy with the regulars at the bar, so I’m actually delighted to say, the writer’s nailed it with Lilith.

Rebecca – Kirstie Alley

Photo of Rebecca Howe, Kirstie Alley, cheersIf you were thinking Rebecca is our wonderful female role-model, please think again.  Rebecca is a poor excuse for a human.  She represents one of the most unsympathetic stereotypes of women – the Gold Digger.  She even fools herself into believing she truly loves rich men, and not because they have money, because, well, she never really justifies this to the viewer.  Her on-going affair with Robin Colcord is shameful!  When he finally decides he loves her and only her, she is no longer in love – he’s lost his wealth.  Surprise!  When Robin returns in a later season, a penniless drifter, Rebecca decides it is a test.  He must want to see that she has grown and that money means less to her now.  Is anyone surprised when Robin actually is penniless and Rebecca is still looking under tabletops for hidden cash? Rebecca is shallow and childish, she makes several mistakes throughout the run of Cheers – the worst of which might be burning the bar down with a cigarette. The writers’ grasp at an attempt to develop Rebecca in the last 2 episodes, they have her fall in love with a middle class, blue collar worker, and even this doesn’t go over well – she says no the first 3 or 4 times he asks her to marry him. Her husband, Don, is technically in only 2 episodes – Rebecca falls for and eventually marries this man because she is settling.  She never makes much of herself, and her life continues on in blissful married life.  So, unfortunately, Rebecca is not a great role-model nor is she a very well developed character.

Carla – Rhea Perlman

photo of carla tortelli, rhea perlman, cheersLet me just admit it now, I was saving the best for last.  Carla is by far the best character on this show – she goes through several pregnancies, the death of her husband, and finally, she makes it through Dianne’s dramatic return in season 11.  Carla is exactly the kind of woman I want in my corner.  She’s tough, feisty, and knows how to throw around a great insult.  Let’s take a moment to remember some of Carla’s best insults:

Carla Tortelli: Where’s Diane anyway?
Sam Malone: Ah, I gave her the night off. She’s trying to interview for a TA job down at the college.
Carla Tortelli: She’ll never get it. She’s a big A with no T’s.

Diane Chambers: This is Heather Landon, my oldest friend.
Carla Tortelli: Meet her this morning?

Frasier Krane: Lilith is carrying a dead rat in her purse. Why would she be carrying a dead rat in her purse?
Carla Tortelli: Just a wild guess: a snack?

Cliff Claven: Sometimes I’m ashamed God made me a man.
Carla Tortelli: I don’t think God’s doing a whole lot of bragging about it either.

Carla Tortelli: If you can’t say anything nice… say it about Diane.

Frasier Krane: I just came off a seven year marriage. It’s hard to think of replacing Lilith.
Carla Tortelli: Just go to the morgue and open any drawer.

Carla was already a fully developed character when she first opened her mouth on Episode 1. She’s a mother and a divorcee, then she gets remarried, suffers the death of her husband, becomes a widow, and despite this, continues on with her life.  If this was any other character she might have sat on her rump in black for the rest of the show, but instead she gets back to slinging insults and drinks, because she’s a realist.  She has to provide for her family, because no one else is going to.  Carla’s east-coast edge is what I love most, she’s fearless and willing to take on any challenge that comes her way.  Look out, I think we found our role-model.

All that matters though…

I really enjoyed my time watching Cheerseven if I am critical of the characters and the writing.  It was a good way to close out our evenings, especially after watching something dark and heavy, we would put Cheers on for a good laugh.  And after all, isn’t that what they were going for? Nailed it.

Written by The Girl

Click here to read Byrd’s review of Cheers

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“Cheers” – A Reflection 24 Years Later

The original cast of "Cheers"


1982-1993.  266 Episodes.

Late one evening in January, Jenny and I were bored, searching through Netflix and Amazon for something to watch.  We had passed by “Cheers” dozens of times when searching through the different streaming services recommendations sections.  “Cheers” is one of the most iconic television shows of all time.  The final episode was watched on over 42 million television sets, the second most watched television program of all time behind only the finale for “M*A*S*H”.  Everybody in America watched this show in the 80’s and early 90’s.  In the first episode we meet Sam Malone, and Norm, and Carla, and Coach, and Diane.  I’m not sure who’s idea it was, but we decided to watch an episode.  It was dated but also kinda funny, so we decided to continue watching.

Fast forward a few days later and we’re already done with season 1!  At this point, for better or worse, we were committed to watching this entire show from start to finish.  As Jenny put it, “Cheers” is a part of pop-culture history.  After six months we can “proudly” say that we watched all 266 episodes.  It was a long haul and, for better or worse, it’s done.  Writing a review of this show is tough because I was an infant when it was airing all over America.  Instead, I’m going to share my thoughts and impressions, both good and bad, about “Cheers”.

First of all, “Cheers” is an odd show to be so popular when you think about it.  Most sitcoms have a group of pretty or quirky looking people all living in some similar walk of life to their co-stars.  “Friends” is pretty people in New York.  “The Big Bang Theory” is nerds and hot girls.  The group of characters on “Cheers” make no logical sense.  Sam Malone is a recovering alcoholic ex-pitcher who owns a bar and is a huge ladies man.  Did people find Ted Danson that attractive in the 80’s? ‘Cause he’s odd looking to me.  His waitress Carla is a fiery, no-nonsense mother of too many kids to count.  Norm, the bar regular, is an often unemployed alcoholic accountant who hates his wife Vera.  Cliff Clavin is a 40 something mailman who never moved out of his mom’s house and thinks he knows everything.  Coach is the aloof old man bartender with a heart of gold.  Finally there’s Diane, an over-educated priss who works at the bar, is on again off again with Sam, and always wants to be right.  These people have no reason to be together except for this bar.  Later in the series we get Woody Harrelson as Woody, replacing Coach after actor Nicholas Colasanto passed away.  He’s a younger, more innocent version of Coach, and probably my favorite character on the show.  We also get Kelsey Grammar as Frasier Crane, a brilliant therapist and total neurotic.  Obviously the classic 90’s sitcom “Frasier” was a spinoff show from “Cheers”, something I didn’t know before watching this.  Finally, we get Kirstie Alley as Rebecca Howe to replace Diane after actress Shelley Long left the show before season 6.  She’s a total nut job, and probably the worst character.  Again, why all these people are friends makes no sense.  But they always go to that bar.

A cool thing about watching a show like this is that there are so many guest stars and comedians that you say “hey that guy” almost every 3 or 4 episodes.  Harry Connick Jr., Lisa Kudrow, Leah Remini, Christopher Lloyd, Jennifer Tilly, Brent Spiner, and Thomas Haden Church are just some of the actors appearing in a random episode before becoming huge stars.  I also didn’t know that Woody Harrelson, one of my favorite actors, came from this show!  He’s great from the moment he shows up on the screen.  Makes me wonder which future famous actors are doing bit parts on shows like “Modern Family” right now.

A not so cool thing is that aspects of “Cheers” do not age well.  First of all, some of the outfits are terrible, especially on Ted Danson.  What were people thinking wearing some of that stuff back then!?  All joking aside, there’s some seriously questionable content at certain points of the show.  Early in the first season there is an episode where all the guys are afraid that gay people might come to the bar.  The episode is totally bigoted and there isn’t a moment when the characters come to their senses and learn their lesson, the episode ends with them still not liking gay people.  I know it was way back in 1982, but damn that’s insensitive.  The biggest problem with “Cheers” is the way female characters are portrayed on the show.  Almost all, with the exception of Carla, are crazy, irrational, and nothing without a man to guide them.  Diane, the female lead in seasons 1-5, is so incredibly annoying.  She always thinks she’s right, always has grand ideas, and complains to no end when she doesn’t get her way.  Her relationship with Sam is totally ridiculous.  Every episode for 5 years had Sam and Diane either getting together or screaming at each other.  It’s a vicious cycle, and I can see why Shelley Long left the show.  I have to remember that this was on before streaming and people watched this just once a week.  Watching blocks of episodes at a time, I got really tired of Sam and Diane doing the same episode every night.  Then there’s Kirstie Alley as Rebecca Howe.  Her character is just a straight up idiot rich girl who wines like a 5-year-old child.  Episodes where her character is featured very little are always better.  Let’s also not forget all the running jokes Norm makes about his poor wife Vera.  Yes these jokes are funny, but when you really think about it Norm is kind of a piece of shit.  You can tell this whole show is created and controlled by men.

There’s some good stuff too.  All of the side characters are great, except for Cliff.  I do love Norm strictly as a comedic character, the lovable alcoholic who just has no shits left to give.  The way everybody says “Hey Norm!” when he walks in the bar with a quick joke to start most episodes off is great.  Both the Coach and later Woody characters are so lovable, and great sidekicks to Sam.  Carla is hysterical with how mean she can be without batting an eye.  The cast has a knack for physical comedy, and my favorite episodes are the one’s where they have the chance to simply flow together on set.  One of the best episodes is the season 10 finale, which takes place just before Woody’s wedding.  Sam and the gang are catering the event, and after a dead priest, a drunk priest, and a horny Woody, the cast has a blast and simply let the hijinks take over.  It’s like watching a play.

After 266 episodes, I can say I’m glad I watched “Cheers”.  Occasionally we fell asleep while watching or played on our phones during an episode, but “Cheers” doesn’t require you to intensely watch every moment.  It’s just a show about that bar you can go back to each week and you’ll see most of your old friends.  The series mirrors that idea as lots of episodes just end with no resolution, and big events that happen are often forgotten in the next episode.  A good example is in the last season when the bar burns down and Sam has to repair the entire building.  The next episode, everything is back to normal like the fire never happened.  So in the end, “Cheers” filled the same purpose for us as it did for people 30 years ago, a fun sitcom you can just throw on anytime you’re bored.  I encourage younger people to do the same thing we did here with shows like “Friends” or “How I Met Your Mother” when you’re around 30.  It’s a great way to see what America was like when you were still a baby.  I’m glad I went to a place “Where Everybody Knows Your Name”.

Written by Byrd

Click here to read The Girl’s Review of Cheers

What are your thoughts on “Cheers”?  Let us know by commenting here, or send us a message!  & Don’t forget to sign up for updates in the sidebar to the right so you’ll never miss a review!

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