2018 Oscar Predictions

The Oscars

Welcome to my predictions for the 90th Annual Academy Awards.  It amazes me that this prestigious award show is almost 100!  Jimmy Kimmel will be hosting this year, and it will be very interesting to see how he handles the litany of sexual assault stories that came out in 2017.  Hopefully he is not afraid to attack the issue head on.  I have been watching this show for over 25 years, and this is one of the few years I can remember where there is not a single dud in this collection of Best Picture nominees.  Quality and diverse films have been represented.  That being said, here are my predictions for every category.  Hopefully this helps you fill out your ballots!

jimmy-kimmel Oscars

Best Picture

With so many quality films this is a tough one to call.  If Christopher Nolan’s masterful war pic “Dunkirk” had been released in December, it would be sweeping every award.  However, it came out in July, so it has no chance.  “Lady Bird” and “Call Me by Your Name” are two beautiful coming of age films, but I think they are just too small for Oscar glory.  “Darkest Hour”, “Phantom Thread”, and “The Post” are all excellent heavy dramas, but too old school for younger viewers.  It is amazing “Get Out” is in this group, but this is a case of just being happy to be invited to the party.  It comes down to two films, “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri” and “The Shape of Water”.  This is a tough call.  “Three Billboards” is the best script I have seen in years, but it’s director was snubbed out of a nomination, which is not a good sign.  I think the prestige of director Guillermo Del Toro is going to put “Shape of Water” over the top.

Should Win: “Dunkirk”.  Will Win: “The Shape of Water”

Best Director

This one seems pretty clear to me.  Greta Gerwig and Jordan Peele are simply honored to be nominated.  Christopher Nolan and Paul-Thomas Anderson are the best directors overall in this group, but their films do not have enough steam over all.  Guillermo Del Toro, a long time respected filmmaker, will win this one.

Should Win: Christopher Nolan.  Will Win: Guillermo Del Toro

Best Actor In a Leading Role

This is the one sure thing, and has been for months.  Gary Oldman for “The Darkest Hour”.  No chance he loses.  On a quick side note, it is a shame Denzel Washington got nominated for “Roman J. Israel, Esq” for the simple fact that he’s Denzel.  So many better performances that could have been there instead.

Should Win: Gary Oldman.  Will Win: Gary Oldman

Best Actress In a Leading Role

Meryl Streep is nominated, shocker!  This is a two horse race between Margot Robbie for “I, Tonya” and Frances McDormand for “Three Billboards.  Robbie was the early frontrunner, but the campaign to give McDormand her second has really picked up traction.  I think Mcdormand is going to come out on top and stand on the Oscar stage for the first time since her win for “Fargo”.

Should Win: Frances McDormand.  Will Win: Frances McDormand

Best Actor In a Supporting Role

I have learned to always be careful when picking the Supporting Actor/Actress categories.  Dark Horse winners come out of these categories all the time.  All are established, long time working actors.  While I would love to see the amazing Willem Dafoe get his first award for “The Florida Project”, I think this is Sam Rockwell’s to lose.  He will deserve it, as he plays a brutal racist cop whole stumbles into redemption.

Should Win: Sam Rockwell.  Will Win: Sam Rockwell

Best Actress In a Supporting Role

This is the strangest of the acting categories.  Lesley Manville is the star of “Phantom Thread”, so I do not know what she is doing here.  Octavia Spencer is basically playing herself in “The Shape of Water”.  It appears that Allison Janney is going to take this one as the white trash mother in “I, Tonya”.  She was quite good, but I would go with Laurie Metcalf as the bitter mother trying to understand her rebellious daughter in “Lady Bird”

Should Win: Laurie Metcalf.  Will Win: Allison Janney

Best Original Screenplay

I am so glad that both “Get Out” and “The Big Sick” got nominated here.  Two scripts you would never expect to be so good.  Screenplay awards are often consolation prizes for a film that did not win best picture.  That puts this category down to two films, “Lady Bird” and “Three Billboards”.  While “Lady Bird” was well written, I truly believe “Three Billboards” was the best screenplay of the year.  However, in the current political climate and how popular it has become with the voters, I think “Lady Bird” will upset and award Greta Gerwig for her passion project.

Should Win: “Three Billboards.  Will Win: “Lady Bird”

Best Adapted Screenplay

Before being accused, I think James Franco had this in the bag for “The Disaster Artist”.  That ship has probably sailed.  “Call Me by Your Name” is beautifully written, and the only film in this category also nominated for Best Picture.  That makes it a virtual lock for me.

Should Win: “The Disaster Artist”.  Will Win: “Call Me by Your Name”

Best Cinematography

Any other year, I would say “Dunkirk” would win for its visceral battle sequences.  But the legendary Cinematographer Roger Deakins shot “Blade Runner: 2049”.  He has been nominated so many times.  It has been speculated that he turns off many voters in his respective union by never hiring a camera operator, opting to do so himself.  He is simply too overdue not to give it to him.

Should Win: “Dunkirk”.  Will Win: “Blade Runner: 2049”

Best Animated Feature

2017 was not the best year for animated films.  “Boss Baby” being nominated, you gotta be kidding me.  Every year, unless there’s another really great one, always put your money on Pixar.  “Coco” should walk away with this easily.

Should Win: “Coco”.  Will Win: “Coco”

Best Documentary Feature

I was only able to see two of these films before the show, both of which appear to be the two frontrunners.  “Icarus” is an excellent Netflix doc about the complexities of the Russian Olympic team doping scandal.  “Strong Island”, also a Netflix production, is a powerful story of racial injustice.  When the eldest son of a black family living in New York is murdered in cold blood, the family struggles to find justice in a system led by white people.  I am going to go with “Icarus” here.  “Strong Island” is a more powerful story, but “Icarus” is the better made film.

Should Win: “Icarus”.  Will Win: “Icarus”

Best Foreign Language Film

I have not seen any of these as they are not available to see where I live in New Mexico.  The two front runners appear to be “A Fantastic Woman” from Chile and “The Square” from Sweden.  I am going to go with “The Square” as that film won the Grand Prix at Cannes last year, and that is a big award.

Should Win: ?????.  Will Win: “The Square”

Best Film Editing

This award used to just go to whatever won Best Picture.  This new generation of filmmakers understand the craft of editing much better.  I am going to go with “Dunkirk”, the most complexly edited film of the group.  Don’t count out “Baby Driver”, a movie that was popular with a lot of people.

Should Win: “Dunkirk”.  Will Win: “Dunkirk”

Best Production Design

I initially thought that the highly stylized “Blade Runner” was a shoo-in here.  Then “The Shape of Water” won the critics choice in this category.  It is also a fantasy film and a period piece, which Oscar tends to like.  I am going to close my eyes and pick “Shape”, but I do so with little confidence.

Should Win: “Blade Runner 2049”.  Will Win: “The Shape of Water”

Best Costume Design

“Phantom Thread” has to win here.  A film about a famous fashion designer, and the intricacies that go into the craft of design.  It’s only threat is the sprawling “Beauty & The Beast” and “The Shape of Water” if that film is in for a night of making a clean sweep.

Should Win: “Phantom Thread”.  Will Win: “Phantom Thread”

Best Makeup & Hairstyling

This one is really easy.  Gary Oldman was unrecognizable as Winston Churchill in “The Darkest Hour”.  With only three nominees, this is the obvious choice.

Should Win: “The Darkest Hour”.  Will Win: “The Darkest Hour”

Best Original Score

Alexandre Desplat is one of the most respected composers in Hollywood, and his work on “The Shape of Water” is done with elegance and reflection.  Johnny Greenwood’s work on “Phantom Thread” is probably the only other serious contender.  But, though Greenwood has been passed up many times, he is a first time nominee, and not everyone loved the movie.  I think it’s safe to say Desplat will be taking home his second.

Should Win: “Phantom Thread”.  Will Win:  “The Shape of Water”

Best Original Song

“Mudbound”‘s Mighty River has a lot going for it.  A tough movie about racism, with the song having been done by Mary J. Blige.  But you have to go with heartbreaking song Remember Me from “Coco”.  It wasn’t Pixar’s best film, but the moment the song plays, you will be crying in your seats.

Should Win: “Coco”.  Will Win: “Coco”

Best Visual Effects

One would think that the futuristic world of “Blade Runner” would be a lock here.  Not so fast.  There has been a big push for “War For the Planet of the Apes” and its franchise long motion capture work, led by Andy Serkis.  It will be interesting to see who the Academy goes with here.

Should Win: “Blade Runner”.  Will Win: “War For the Planet of the Apes”

Best Sound Editing

The sheer overwhelming sounds of battle in “Dunkirk” should make it a lock here.

Should Win: “Dunkirk”.  Will Win: “Dunkirk”

Best Sound Mixing

You guessed it, “Dunkirk” once again.

Should Win: “Dunkirk”.  Will Win: “Dunkirk”

Best Short Film – Live Action

I actually got to see all of these this year.  “The Eleven O’Clock” is a brilliantly written farce about the battle between a psychiatrist and his patient.  Really rooting for this one.  Unfortunately, they always go with the film that saddens you the most, and that would be “My Nephew Emmitt”.

Should Win: “The Eleven O’Clock”.  Will Win: “My Nephew Emmitt”

Best Short Film – Animated

Got to see all these as well.  A lot of excellent films in this group.  “Revolting Rhymes” puts a great spin on three classic fairytales by combining the stories of Little Red Riding Hood, Snow White, and The Three Little Pigs.  Sounds crazy, but it totally works!  However, it is the longest in the group, and some might not have the patience when expecting to watch a short.  We all know what is going to win anyways, “Lou”.  Why?  One word, Pixar.

Should Win: “Revolting Rhymes”.  Will Win: “Lou”

Best Documentary – Short Subject

I did not see any of these.  Variety magazine claims the Netflix short “Heroin(e)” is going to win.  They usually know what they are talking about, so let’s go with that.

Should Win: ?????.  Will Win: “Heroin(e)”

Thanks for reading my predictions.  Hopefully this helps you win your office Oscar pool.  Let me know your thoughts in the comments below, and enjoy the show!

Follow on Bloglovin
Continue Reading

“Black Panther” Film Review

Black Panther Chadwick Boseman

“Black Panther”

Dir; Ryan Coogler.  Starring; Chadwick Boseman, Michael B. Jordan, Lupita Nyong’o.  2018.  PG-13.  Color.  134 min.

Black Panther Movie Poster

Many people hate Superman because he is an unstoppable god.  What makes that character interesting is the fact that, even though he is unstoppable, he strives to be more like regular human beings.  His alter-ego Clark Kent.  This creates depth to the character.  Once he puts on his suit, “Black Panther” becomes invincible too.  What is behind that suit?  The answer is nothing.

Chadwick Boseman plays T’Challa/Black Panther, and is instantly crowned as the king of Wakanda after the death of his father.  Wakanda is a mythical world where some futuristic plane can fly through trees in order to get there.  How does he affirm his right as king?  A ridiculous fight next to a waterfall where the audience knows who is going to win.

Michael B. Jordan plays Erik Killmonger, our villain.  This is a spurned man who wants to claim the throne in Wakanda.  Erik finds ancient Vibranium in a history museum.  Just to catch us up, Vibranium is the technology Captain America’s shield is made out of, and the technology that has made Wakanda a superior city.  The only goal Erik has is to take over the kingdom.  He is one dimensional.  While I completely respect Michael B. Jordan as an actor (“Fruitvale Station” comes to mind), he is not fit to play a great bad guy.  There is no heightened tension when I see him on screen.

Once the pieces are in place, we get a series of “this will be cool” filmmaking run amuck.  The “James Bond” rip off scene where T’Challa has his tech person lead him through his toys that are available before choosing a new necklace for his suit is perhaps the moment I laughed hardest.  The action scenes are non-sensical, and always a commercial for Lexus cars.

I would explain the plot more, if a serviceable plot existed.  “Black Panther” is a mess of a comic book movie.  People will be cheering in their seats for all the wrong reasons, and forget about this film in a few weeks.  I was surprised at how bad “Black Panther” was.  I want to see the receipt for how much Marvel paid critics on Rotten Tomatoes to give this film such glowing reviews.  Yes, that happens all the time.

Suck Factor: 6 out of 7 (7 means your movie really SUCKS!)

Written by Byrd

*The Suck Factor! – How it Works

I’ve flipped the switch on the standard rating system for film criticism. Instead of rating a movie with stars or letters representing how good a film is, I rank films from 0 to 7 to tell you how much a movie SUCKS! So if the film is a masterpiece, like “The Godfather” for example, then it gets a 0 on my scale, meaning the movie gives 0 SUCKS! If the movie is absolutely terrible, for instance every Michael Bay film, it scores a 7 so you know to avoid it at all costs.

For all other movie review requests, feel free to comment here, or send us a message! & Don’t forget to sign up for updates in the sidebar to the right so you’ll never miss a review!

Follow on Bloglovin
Continue Reading

2017’s 10 Best & Worst Films

Roger Ebert use to always say that Top 10 lists are meaningless and completely subjective.  While I agree with the second part, I find great value in asking for a person’s Top 10 list.  It tells a lot about the person making it.  Great debate is created where you and your friends can argue about the validity of the film for hours on end.  I will argue with my film lover friends on end that “A Clockwork Orange” is a better film than “Goodfellas”.  None of us are necessarily wrong, as both are masterpieces.  The same goes for what are considered as bad films.  I can get into a heated debate about how awful a movie like “Justice League” is, saying you must be crazy to like such trash, and a friend has every right to call me a pretentious a-hole who doesn’t know how to just have fun at the movies.  Top 10 lists have meaning, and are an important part of what makes going to the movies so special.  In 1980, Roger Ebert placed “The Black Stallion” as best film of the year over “Raging Bull”.  Whoops.

I will start with my Top 10 worst films of 2017.  This is bottom of the barrel.

10. “Atomic Blonde”

In the year of women empowerment, “Atomic Blonde” is an embarrassment.  The audience receives an unbelievable one-take-ish fight scene in a stairwell and…, they get nothing else.  Charlize Theron is not being her own sexy version of James Bond, she is being sexy for all the 16 year old boys to admire.  Every action movie trope is employed, including the famous “I walk in slow motion because that’s what cool people do”.  I was hoping Hollywood was breaking off and not trying to make a female “John Wick” copy, giving a female action hero her due.  Instead, they made an awful film.

9.  “All Eyez On Me”

Nobody would disagree that Tupac is one of the greatest rappers of all time.  Nobody would disagree that “All Eyes On Me” is awful.  There are music movies that are by the books, then there are biopics like this which completely disregard the character.  Tupac, one of the all time greats, would be rolling in his grave.

8. “The Bad Batch”

If you want to make a successful post-apocalyptic film, you have two options.  Go full on crazy, such as a “Mad Max” or “Children of Men” is your first option.  The second is to go the route of creating a new world, similar to a “Blade Runner” or “Gattacca”.  Unfortunately for “The Bad Batch”, we fall into the world in between where nobody cares.  Cannibals led by Jason Mamoa (Aquaman) are combined with a slick rave haven led by Keanu Reeves?  A classic example of “it seemed like a good idea at the time” filmmaking.

7. “Brawl In Cell Block 99”

And the award for the fakest movie of the year goes to, “Brawl In Cell Block 99”.  Similar to “Donnie Darko” or “Boondock Saints”, every 18 year old bus boy in the world is going to tell you how awesome “Brawl In Cell Block 99” is, and unfortunately they are wrong.  This is a brutal film, and for all the wrong reasons.  It lacks humanity, the key to any film that wants to be as violent as this picture.  Vince Vaughn is your leading man, and when you say that, you are probably about to watch a bad movie.

6. “Power Rangers”

Power Rangers Movie Poster

How in the world do you screw this up?  You have an established franchise, all be it a stupid one, and you cannot understand what fans are looking for as they walk into the theater?  “Power Rangers” is marketing run-amuck.  I know a company wants to sell doughnuts, but when we have a Krispy Kreme shoved in our faces so blatantly then all the audience will do is not go to Krispy Kreme.  I forgot to mention how bad “Power Rangers” is, just like how the filmmakers forgot how to make a movie.

5. “Alien: Covenant”

Alien: Covenant Movie Poster

I feel bad for Ridley Scott.  The man has been holding on for years to his past successes.  It is time to move on bro, and “Alien: Covenant” is not the way to do so.  A mess of a movie does not even begin to describe it.  You have Michael Fassbender in a scene with Michael Fassbender teaching himself how to play the flute.  Hashtag cool.  Then you have a scene where Michael Fassbender is treating a new born Alien like a horse.  Unfortunately for you, Mr. Scott, that is also Hashtag cool.

4. “The Mummy”

The Mummy Movie Poster

The cynic in me truly enjoyed witnessing this crap festival.  Universal wants to reboot a series that will always be classic, and you choose Tom Cruise as your lead off?  Reports from the set came out that Cruise totally took over filmmaking, and the result was an absolute mess.  No surprise.

3. “Justice League”

Justice League Movie Poster

Comic book movies are never going away.  The good ones understand the character.  “The Dark Knight” or more recently “Deadpool” come to mind.  “Justice League” does not even begin to care about the characters it is portraying.  This is a film concerned more with selling movie posters than it is with telling a coherent story an audience can care about.  Let us be honest here, to the fans of “Justice League”, what is it you remember most about the movie?  Is it the plot?  Is it a character or villain?  Or is it the shot of Jason Momoa as Aquaman screaming “YEAH!” as the Batmobile drives past?  That is “Justice League”.

2. “Bright”

This film does not deserve the right to be reviewed by a critic as lowly as me.  If a friend claims “Bright” was good, immediately turn the other way and disavow all knowledge from what your friend just said.  I would say Will Smith should be ashamed of himself, but that would be a waste of my time.  “Bright” is the worst decision you could ever make on Netflix.

1. “The Dark Tower”

The Dark Tower Movie Poster

There have been worse movies produced in 2017.  Never has a movie wasted so much talent than “The Dark Tower”.  Matthew McCouaghey, Idris Elba, Stephen King’s legendary book series.  How do you not at minimum produce a serviceable picture the world can enjoy?  Instead, you come up with absolute trash, comparable to a “Battlefield Earth”.  At least “Battlefield Earth” was made by crazy Scientologist!  This is inexcusably awful filmmaking.  Idris Elba, an incredibly talented actor, will have to tuck his grandkids in one night.  They will ask “what happened with the ‘The Dark Tower'”?  Idris Elba will not have an answer for them.  That is how bad this film is.

Ok, now that we have gone through the trash, here are my Top 10 Best Films of 2017

10. “Lady Bird”

Lady Bird Film Poster

We have all seen the coming-of-age movie over and over again.  The good ones come from real human beings reflecting on that experience.  Writer/Director Greta Gerwig does not tell you what it is like to be in High School, she looks back on it.  Saoirse Ronan is fantastic as a free spirit Senior insisting on being called “Lady Bird”.  Her mother, an excellent Laurie Metcalf, refuses to accept this attitude.  “Lady Bird” is not just the story of a girl navigating the waters of youth, it is the story of a mother and daughter trying to accept each other.

9. “The Disaster Artist”

The Disaster Artist James Franco

The story behind this movie is unbelievable.  Some random guy named Tommy Wiseau, with his own money, made one of the worst films of all time in “The Room”.  It has since become a midnight laugh-fest for drunk college kids, but not to James Franco.  At its core, “The Disaster Artist” is a hopeful film.  James Franco put his heart into this movie as writer/director/star, and it shows.  His meticulous copying of Wiseau and his film is spot on.  A tip of my hat to a movie that I would have never thought would have been made, just like “The Room”.

8. “Good Time”

Good Time Robert Pattinson

An adrenaline rush of a film.  As soon as “Good Time” gets going, it never stops to give you a breath.  A botched robbery leads to a series of events you will never expect.  Giving anything else away would ruin your experience of this crazy journey.  Robert Pattison has officially gone beyond his “Twilight” years, and is now an actor everyone should take notice of.  Stylized, energetic, and shocking.  When you watch it, get ready for a “Good Time”.

7. “Get Out”

Get Out Movie Poster

I was expecting nothing from “Get Out”.  A horror movie, coming out in February, directed by Jordan Peele.  Sounds like the recipe for awful.  Boy was I wrong.  “Get Out” is an intelligent horror/comedy that deals with real social issues.  A black college student joins his white girlfriend for a weekend at her rich parents home, having no idea what is waiting for him.  Horror fans will get plenty of shock scares.  Film-snobs will find layers beyond what they expected.  This is a movie nobody will expect to be as good as it is.

6. “A Ghost Story”

A Ghost Story Movie Poster

Losing the one you love to a random tragedy will define the rest of your life.  After some time, you must move on. What if that soul you lost can never leave the place you both called home?  “A Ghost Story” asks these questions that none of us have the answers to.  A woman loses her husband, then he turns into a ghost as he watches her pain, and she eventually must move.  But the ghost cannot leave, and he watches people go in and out of their once happy home year after year.  Lamenting on love, loss, and pain are not stuff we talk about regularly.  “A Ghost Story” thinks about all of these things.

5. “The Florida Project”

The Florida Project Movie Poster

One of the great humanist films of the new millennium.  “The Florida Project” shows its audience that poor, drug addicted people deserve the right to have a life the same way every other millionaire does.  How does it do this?  It tells its tale from the perspective of children, and nobody would discount the small pipe dreams of a child.  Willem DaFoe is fantastic as the hotel owner who just wants to help these flawed human beings.  Every time you roll your eyes at a homeless person, just remember that those are people just like you who happened to lose in life.

4. “Phantom Thread”

This is not a movie for everyone.  But, like all Paul Thomas Anderson films, “Phantom Thread” is going to age very well.  At its core, “Phantom Thread” is a love story.  A dominating man needs a woman to be his mother.  That is just one of the themes commented on here.  Many criticized Paul Thomas Anderson for not just directing, but also being his own cinematographer.  “Phantom Thread” is shot with eloquence, and understands how to construct a frame.  This is Daniel Day-Lewis’s swan song, and he picked the right film to go out on.

3. “Call Me By Your Name”

Call Me By Your Name Film Poster

What a beautiful love story.  What a beautiful tale of a parent hoping more for their child than they ever achieved.  If you are a bigot who cannot get past the “gay thing”, then skip this movie.  Otherwise, “Call Me By Your Name” is a triumph of a romantic movie.  It starts off slow, then builds to a climax of pain, heartbreak, and hope.  I do not want to give anything away, but that scene with Michael Stulhbarg is simply incredible.  No doubt a slow burn, “Call Me By Your Name” will sneak up on you and before you know it, you are crying in your seat.

2. “Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Missouri”

Three Billboards Frances McDormand

A mother angry about the rape and murder of her young daughter is just the tip of the iceberg here.  A small town community with a racist cop is the bigger problem.  “Three Billboards” never shies away from this stuff, it meets these issues head on.  Frances McDormand gives us a fantastic performance.  This is a collection of intelligent people making a film more intelligent than we could have imagined.  You will be sitting in the theater and say “Holy Shit, that happened!”  Then after 15 minutes you will say to yourself “Holy Shit, that happened!”  Not horror movie pop scares, intelligent writing that shocks its audience in ways one would never expect.

1. “Dunkirk”

Dunkirk Movie Poster

This is what a classic movie looks like.  Remember the famous opening for “Saving Private Ryan”?  “Dunkirk” is that from start to finish.  Director Christopher Nolan, who I am not a huge fan of, delivers a tour-de-force of a war picture.  Actors do not matter, speeches do not matter, all that matters is getting through it.  We start with a man surviving a barrage of bullets, and from there his only goal is to return home.  The singular greatest war film of our time, and a reminder of how bad war can get.

 

Continue Reading

“Chef” Film Review

“Chef”

Dir; Jon Favreau. Starring; Jon Favreau, John Leguizamo, Dustin Hoffman.  2014.  R.  Color.  114 min.

Among cinephiles, Jon Favreau is not a name that evokes memories of classic pictures such as “Casablanca” or “The Godfather”. Favreau is best know as the director of the “Iron Man” blockbuster franchise and obscure Hollywood flops like “Cowboys and Aliens”. Perhaps you instead recognize him as a memorable character actor in films like “The Replacements” or “I Love You Man”. Despite the overall mediocrity of his career, the more seasoned moviegoers among us may recall that as a young up-and-comer in the 1990’s, he wrote and co-starred in a little independent hit called “Swingers”. Favreau made some noticeable waves with the critics with his screenplay but unfortunately during the subsequent decades, it seemed that he was destined to be a one-hit wonder. That is until 2014 when we wrote, directed and stared in a wonderful independent film called “Chef” that practically nobody saw, but I’m certain almost everyone would enjoy.

I have to admit, regardless of my indifference to his comic book career as a filmmaker, when I first saw the trailer for “Chef”, I was immediately intrigued. I recall an afternoon date with my then fiancé, now wife, that began with a screening of the sleeper hit followed by a much needed multi-course meal at a popular local Brazilian barbecue restaurant. It was as if Favreau had somehow reverted to his early, ambitious self and had once again struck the correct notes perfectly on beat. Yes, this was an exceptional film, but I saw more than just that. I will argue that the story structure of this film and this character almost exactly parallels Favreau‘s own career as a filmmaker.

For those who haven’t seen it, here is a synopsis of the main plot points that are necessary to illustrate my argument:

Jon Favreau plays chef Carl Casper in Los Angeles who is the head of an upscale restaurant backed by an unnecessarily hands-on owner played by Dustin Hoffman. Chef Casper is a creative genius when it comes to cooking, but is constrained by the demands of his overbearing boss who would rather sacrifice the beauty and art in cooking for financial success. When the most prominent internet food critic is meant to visit the restaurant to write a review on a chef that he once hailed as the next bright star in the cooking world, Casper is shown constructing a beautiful menu that will undoubtedly bring a five star review. As you would imagine, Dustin Hoffman rejects the menu and forces Casper to “play his hits” with the usual menu that has brought the restaurant great success. The critic slams Casper for his lack of creativity, heart and courage which leads to a feud ending in Casper walking out on the restaurant and starting over in Miami on a food truck making Cubano sandwiches. The second half of the film focuses on his success and genuine enjoyment running a food truck that helps repair a broken relationship with is son. At last, he can cook and be creative in the way he always knew he should be. By the end, this critic praises him for the food he now gets to put out with true passion.

Getting back to “Swingers” and my subtext theory:
Favreau, Like Chef Casper was a newcomer who made waves among the critical community and had the potential to be the next auteur in the film world. He should have gone on to make many more cult classics but instead chose a career working for Hollywood big wigs that lead to financial success but little critical praise. In “Chef” Casper works for Dustin Hoffman, who represents Hollywood and an overbearing studio system. Who better to represent Hollywood then one of it’s greatest actors?
His career working for Hoffman is the film industry equivalent of an artist being forced to direct “Iron Man”, “Elf” and “Cowboys and Aliens” (for the record, I do enjoy “Elf” to a degree).

With “Chef” Favreau was able to abandon the studio system and make a picture that was not just near and dear to his heart, but something he could actually be proud to put his name on. This is exactly the same as chef Casper quitting his job and reviving an old food truck that allows him to cook the food he always dreamed of making. “Chef” is literally John Favreau‘s rusty Cubano truck that may seem on the surface as just a feel good family movie about cooking, but beneath lies the themes of his struggles, frustration but also his ultimate triumph as a caged artist finally set free.

Suck Factor: out of 7 (7 means your movie really SUCKS!)

Written by Maier

*The Suck Factor! – How it Works

I’ve flipped the switch on the standard rating system for film criticism. Instead of rating a movie with stars or letters representing how good a film is, I rank films from 0 to 7 to tell you how much a movie SUCKS! So if the film is a masterpiece, like “The Godfather” for example, then it gets a 0 on my scale, meaning the movie gives 0 SUCKS! If the movie is absolutely terrible, for instance every Michael Bay film, it scores a 7 so you know to avoid it at all costs.

For all other movie review requests, feel free to comment here, or send us a message! & Don’t forget to sign up for updates in the sidebar to the right so you’ll never miss a review!

Follow on Bloglovin
Continue Reading

“Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond” Film Review

“Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond – Featuring a Very Special, Contractually Obligated Mention of Tony Clifton”

Dir; Chris Smith.  Starring; Jim Carrey, Danny DeVito, Milos Forman.  2017.  TV-MA.  Color.  94 min.

In the 90’s, Jim Carrey was the best comedian America had ever witnessed.  His physical humor was unparalleled.  In the 70’s, Andy Kaufman was a force of hilarity.  He knew how to push peoples buttons in ways the world had never seen before.  Director Milos Forman decided to make “Man on the Moon”, a bio-pic about Kaufman.  The obvious choice was Jim Carrey.  Unfortunately for Forman and the producers, they had no idea what they were getting themselves into.

Jim Carrey is a piece of cinematic history, but most of his films were not.  Other than “The Truman Show”, his movies kinda suck.  There are moments you can reference.  The camp counselor from “In Living Color”, the moment we hear the most annoying sound in the world from “Dumb and Dumber”, a hilarious tango with Cameron Diaz in “The Mask”, and the awesome sequence where he beats himself to death in a mens bathroom from “Liar, Liar”.  This is stuff we continue to laugh at 20 years later.

Andy Kaufman was, to put it lightly, a mad man.  When he was on the show “Taxi”, running from 1978-1983,  he was only allowed to be there once every four episodes because the cast could not stand how crazy Kaufman was.  Yet the audience loved every show Andy was on.  Kaufman was on SNL, late night talk shows, and the Worldwide Wrestling Federation.  All of these companies never wanted him back.  Years later, he is still remembered for his ridiculous antics.

In 1999, “Man on the Moon” was released.  Time had passed, and those who hated Kaufman now realized how brilliant the man was.  Jim Carrey was chosen to play Kaufman, perhaps one of the greatest pieces of bio-pic casting ever.

Carrey instantly took over the production.  He disrupted all aspects of shooting, from PA’s asking him to leave his trailer to sabotaging basic morning makeup sessions every actor is expected to go through.  The director was at a total loss because he has millions of dollars on the line and producers to answer to.  The best line comes from Carrey when, years later, is reflecting on the experience.  He asks the audience very plainly “What would Andy do”?

Many will be put off by “Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond”.  Jim Carrey‘s actions on set are deplorable and unprofessional by any normal working place standards.  I would argue it is genius imitating the genius that inspired him.  In 1975, Andy Kaufman walked onto the SNL stage for the first time.  He put on a record of the “Mighty Mouse” theme, stared blankly at the camera, then proclaimed the famous “Here I Come to Save The Day!” line, then continued to stare blankly at the camera.  The SNL brass were furious, but the audience loved it.  40 years later, I showed The Girl that original video, and all she could do was laugh.  “Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond” is a documentary about how maniacs have the ability to, at times, entertain the world better than normal people.  That is why they are considered brilliant.

Suck Factor: 1 out of 7 (7 means your movie really SUCKS!)

Written by Byrd

*The Suck Factor! – How it Works

I’ve flipped the switch on the standard rating system for film criticism. Instead of rating a movie with stars or letters representing how good a film is, I rank films from 0 to 7 to tell you how much a movie SUCKS! So if the film is a masterpiece, like “The Godfather” for example, then it gets a 0 on my scale, meaning the movie gives 0 SUCKS! If the movie is absolutely terrible, for instance every Michael Bay film, it scores a 7 so you know to avoid it at all costs.

For all other movie review requests, feel free to comment here, or send us a message! & Don’t forget to sign up for updates in the sidebar to the right so you’ll never miss a review!

Follow on Bloglovin
Continue Reading

“Phantom Thread” Film Review

“Phantom Thread”

Dir; Paul Thomas Anderson.  Starring; Daniel Day-Lewis, Vicky Krieps, Lesley Manville.  2017.  R.  Color.  130 min.

“Phantom Thread” is a love story.  Coming from director Paul Thomas Anderson, it is no doubt a twisted one.  Obsession, egotism, passion, and anger are just a few of the themes explored here.  By no means is this a film for everyone.  However, if you have the patience, “Phantom Thread” will take you to emotional depths you have no desire to explore.

The legendary Daniel Day-Lewis has proclaimed this to be his swan song performance, stating that he will be retiring after this film.  I will sincerely miss you sir, and a tip of my hat for going out with this crazy tale!  Day-Lewis plays Reynolds Woodcock, the greatest fashion designer the world has ever scene.  At least in his mind.  He dresses women of both royalty and celebrity.  Similar to the beautiful sequined gowns he creates, Woodcock is meticulous with every moment of his day.  Any interruption to his breakfast will be met with harsh criticism because he is “working”.  Until Woodcock meets Alma.

A poor waitress girl happens to see Woodcock walk into her little shop.  She is beautiful, but not in the classic sense.  He is a giant that people dream of becoming.  To this seemingly shy girl, he is nothing more than just a man.  A spark happens.  This gentleman just met his match.  Her name is Alma, played amazingly by Vicky Krieps.  A loyal and un-loyal relationship ensues, similar to any love story.  Revealing anything more would be a disservice to you as a film-goer.

The star of “Phantom Thread” is not Daniel Day-Lewis, it is Vicky Krieps as Alma.  She is complicated to a point that you never see coming, overtaking Day-Lewis‘s brooding acting style.  Art imitating life.  Remember, this is a love story.

“Phantom Thread” is chock full of moments that will quietly floor you.  This is content that cannot be processed in a day or a movie review.  Paul Thomas Anderson’s films have consistently aged well.  From “Boogie Nights” to “There Will be Blood”, people love his work five years after it is released more than the initial viewing.  I would guess that is what will happen with “Phantom Thread”.

Suck Factor: out of 7 (7 means your movie really sucks!)

Written by Byrd

*The Suck Factor! – How it Works

I’ve flipped the switch on the standard rating system for film criticism. Instead of rating a movie with stars or letters representing how good a film is, I rank films from 0 to 7 to tell you how much a movie SUCKS! So if the film is a masterpiece, like “The Godfather” for example, then it gets a 0 on my scale, meaning the movie gives 0 SUCKS! If the movie is absolutely terrible, for instance every Michael Bay film, it scores a 7 so you know to avoid it at all costs.

For all other movie review requests, feel free to comment here, or send us a message! & Don’t forget to sign up for updates in the sidebar to the right so you’ll never miss a review!

Follow on Bloglovin
Continue Reading

“The Post”

“The Post”

Dir; Steven Spielberg.  Starring; Tom Hanks, Meryl Streep, Bob Odenkirk.  2017.  PG-13.  Color.  116 min.

The Post Movie Poster

Society desires to learn from the mistakes of the past.  History continues to be cyclical.  “The Post” tells the story of a group of Washington Post reporters breaking the news that political corruption has spanned several Presidents, coming to a head during the Nixon administration.  A story of evil that should have ended almost 60 years ago.  The screenplay by Liz Hannah and Josh Singer is even more important today than it was when these journalists originally broke the story.

Tom Hanks plays Ben Bradlee, a full-fledged Journalist.  He is seasoned and understands the politics of reporting at a newspaper in Washington.  Meryl Streep plays Kay Graham, the owner of the prestigious Washington Post.  Graham has become a rich debutante, and is concerned more with her papers numbers than actual reporting.  After a long series of events, Bradlee has his hands on the famous Pentagon Papers, and a story that could help take down even the President himself.  Kay Graham has a choice to make.  Does she pander to the elites or does she publish a story that is true and honest?

Before the Facebook/Instagram/Twitter era, newspapers had the power to hire and fire politicians in America.  That cyclical nature of history I mentioned is what “The Post” taps into so well.  It reminds you that before “Net Neutrality”, people had to fight against the “Vietnam War”.

“The Post” is made by true professionals.  The screenplay is fantastic.  What the film lacks is edge, and that is what keeps it from being great instead of just really good.  We have a legendary roster of actors and filmmakers.  Spielberg, Hanks, Streep, cinematographer Janusz Kamiski, composer John Williams.  This is a movie full of brilliant people doing their best job of doing everything by the numbers.  There is no passion here.  Spielberg must have his characters make their speeches about how important this subject is instead of just letting the human beings tell the story, because that is what he does.

“The Post” takes some time to catch its footing, but the ending will have you rooting in the theater.  I would ask TRUMP supporters to see this film, and I’m guessing that is what Spielberg is going for.  This is not a classic by any means.  It is full of flaws, but this film tells an important story.  If I am a history teacher at a High School, “The Post” is an excellent choice to show American history in the 1960’s.  A history that is unfortunately being repeated.  One 16-year-old standing up against corruption makes this film worth making.  I tip my hat to Spielberg for knowing that concept rings true here.

Suck Factor: out of 7 (7 means your movie really SUCKS!)

Written by Byrd

*The Suck Factor! – How it Works

I’ve flipped the switch on the standard rating system for film criticism. Instead of rating a movie with stars or letters representing how good a film is, I rank films from 0 to 7 to tell you how much a movie SUCKS! So if the film is a masterpiece, like “The Godfather” for example, then it gets a 0 on my scale, meaning the movie gives 0 SUCKS! If the movie is absolutely terrible, for instance every Michael Bay film, it scores a 7 so you know to avoid it at all costs.

For all other movie review requests, feel free to comment here, or send us a message! & Don’t forget to sign up for updates in the sidebar to the right so you’ll never miss a review!

Follow on Bloglovin
Continue Reading

“Darkest Hour” Film Review

Darkest Hour Gary Oldman

“Darkest Hour”

Dir; Joe Wright.  Starring; Gary Oldman, Lily James, Kristin Scott Thomas.  2017.  PG-13.  Color.  125 min.

Darkest Hour Movie Poster

Before Japan and America got involved, Hitler was clearly in control during WWII.  Countries in Europe were dropping like flies, and it appeared that Britain would be the next to fall.  The higher ups of the British Parliament were insisting on entering negotiations of surrender to a madman.  Winston Churchill was the only one who said “to hell with this”, igniting his country to fight back and help defeat Hitler.  “Darkest Hour” is the portrait of a brilliant man, complete with all his flaws and weaknesses.

Director Joe Wright focuses squarely on the rooms where powerful men decided how to shape a war instead of the act of war itself.  We begin with the current British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain (Ronald Pickup) being forced to step down from his post during the current threat of invasion.  A furious debate ensues, and Winston Churchill is eventually elected.  Like all politics, many in Parliament strongly oppose Churchill’s election.  He is swimming with sharks, but Churchill is ultimately focused on protecting his country and defeating Hitler.  King George VI (Ben Mendelsohn, fantastic as always) is struggling to figure out how to lead his nation.  An intimidating figure like Churchill scares him.  However, the King is not an idiot, and knows full well that Churchill is the man best suited to guide the British Empire during the greatest fight they have ever seen.

“Darkest Hour” presents Winston Churchill as a human being.  He is an angry alcoholic who constantly needs a cigar in his mouth to keep his mind clear.  His wife Clemmie (Kristin Scott Thomas) hates his antics, but after 20+ years she is invested in the brilliance of the man she loves.  His typist Elizabeth (a shyly confident Lily James) provides Churchill with insight in between his insults and glasses of whiskey.  Gary Oldman gives the best performance of the year as he does not just embody his character, he is Winston Churchill.

By no means is this a great film.  You will see a minimum of fifteen speeches about how important this war is to the point where the screenplay gets old, and that is just in the first hour.  And I thought Spielberg was obsessed with telling the audience what to believe!  The film pounds you in the head instead of simply telling its story.  The Cinematography by Bruno Delbonnel is also lacking.  There are some fantastic long takes, but in closed quarters like Parliament or Churchill’s house, Delbonnel insists on using forceful lighting to make the audience look at what he wants us to without being stylistic about it.  “Darkest Hour” insists on telling the audience how important it is instead of simply being important in its own right.

Fortunately for us, a fantastic cast has been put in place here, led by the magnificent Gary Oldman.  You will forget about this films missteps very quickly.  “Darkest Hour” is a thrilling look at a historic moment in history.  Winston Churchill is a legendary figure, and receives the legendary performance he deserves from Gary Oldman.

Suck Factor: out of 7 (7 means your movie really SUCKS!)

Written by Byrd

*The Suck Factor! – How it Works

I’ve flipped the switch on the standard rating system for film criticism. Instead of rating a movie with stars or letters representing how good a film is, I rank films from 0 to 7 to tell you how much a movie SUCKS! So if the film is a masterpiece, like “The Godfather” for example, then it gets a 0 on my scale, meaning the movie gives 0 SUCKS! If the movie is absolutely terrible, for instance every Michael Bay film, it scores a 7 so you know to avoid it at all costs.

For all other movie review requests, feel free to comment here, or send us a message! & Don’t forget to sign up for updates in the sidebar to the right so you’ll never miss a review!

Follow on Bloglovin
Continue Reading

“Die Hard” Classic Movie Review

Die Hard John McClane

“Die Hard”

Dir; John McTiernan.  Starring; Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman, Bonnie Bedelia.  1988.  R.  Color.  132 min.

Die Hard Movie Poster

At the time of it’s release, “Die Hard” was expected to be a failure.  Bruce Willis was a running joke after the awful TV series “Moonlighting”.  Fox Studios owner Rupert Murdoch insisted on giving Willis a five million dollar contract, money that was almost unheard of for an actor at the time.  American audiences had no reason to take this movie seriously.  How could this man be the lead in an action movie?  America was so wrong.  Bruce Willis says to all of us “Yippie-Ki-Aye Mother Fucker”,  and the rest is history.  “Die Hard” is the greatest pure action movie ever made.

Like all action farce before or since, “Die Hard” is a chess match between the hero and villain.  Before this film, chess matches were between a slick hero ala James Bond and a stereotypical bad guy bent on world domination.  John McClane is a burnt out alcoholic husband trying to save his marriage.  Hans Gruber, while he appears to care about issues in Russia, is strictly after a quick money grab.  They are the ultimate anti-hero and anti-villain.  This changed action movies.

Before Alan Rickman became famous for playing Professor Snape in the “Harry Potter” series, he was Hans Gruber.  Director John McTiernan saw Rickman in a stage performance of “Dangerous Liaisons” and instantly knew that he had found his villain.  Hans Gruber goes beyond the simple “Bond” villain archetype.  He is menacing, smart, diabolical, yet never lacks a sense of humor.  His plan is perfect, he just could not account for John McClane showing up.

John McClane is a washed up cop from New York.  His wife Holly (Bonnie Bedelia) has moved across the country to Los Angeles for a better job with the hope that their two children will grow up in a healthier environment.  John is desperate to save his marriage, and flies out to L.A. for Christmas.  After a long flight, John takes a limo to surprise Holly at her work, only to find that she is enjoying the company Christmas party without her estranged husband.  A bitter fight ensues, typical of any married couple on the verge of divorce.  Just when things cannot get any worse, Hans Gruber and his team invade Nakatomi tower and hold everyone hostage.  Everyone except our washed up cop.

Initially, everything is going as scripted for Hans.  His crew is ready for the inevitable arrival of the police and F.B.I.  This elaborate takeover is all a set up to buy time so that his main hacker can crack the vault and extract millions of dollars worth of Nakatomi stocks and assets.  It will make national news of course.  Before the police even realize what just happened, the bad guys will be “Sitting on an island making 20 Percent”.  Too bad they messed with the wrong guy.

McClane instantly goes into action after the first gunshots are heard.  He is in desperation mode, hoping to protect his wife first and foremost.  As the plot thickens, John realizes he must stop these terrorists from blowing up a building and killing hundreds of people in the process.

John instinctually calls the police at his first opportunity.  It’s Christmas Eve, so his 9-1-1 call seems like a joke.  A chubby police sergeant named Powell (Reginald VelJohnson from “Family Matters” fame) is knee deep in doughnuts when he receives the order from dispatch to go investigate Nakatomi Plaza.  Sgt. Powell enters the building, but of course Gruber already has men stationed as fake security guards to make everything seem normal.  Powell decides the call is a hoax, shaking his head as he gets back into his patrol car.  McClane can’t believe it, and as Powell is pulling out of the parking lot, he tosses a dead body of one of the terrorists 20 stories down directly onto his police car.  “Welcome to the Party Pal!”

The police, F.B.I., and local media swarm the building within a matter of minutes.  This is not quite how Hans expected everything to go down.

At no point does this film seem far-fetched or ridiculous.  Obviously it is an action movie.  Bad guys have an endless supply of bullets and explosives.  Yet, In the context of this genre, you will never question what is happening in front of your eyes.  Typical music cues or slow motion “look-how-cool-this-guy-is” tropes do not exist here.  Believe it or not, this movie actually cares about the story it is telling instead of telling you how slick it is.

Established Hollywood archetypes state that ultimately every hero is smarter than the villain.  John McClane is not smarter, wiser, or better than his adversary.  He is, however, a driven human being.  For the first time, the audience was asked to root for a regular guy as their hero.  McClane embodies what everyone hopes they would do when placed in such a situation, and that is the brilliance of this film.

Numerous famous lines and scenes have come from “Die Hard”.  You could say “Now I have a machine gun Ho, Ho, Ho” or “SHOOT THE GLASS!” or “It looks like the police have an RV” or the famous “Yippie-Ki-Aye Mother Fucker“.  People will instantly know what film you are referring to.  Fox wanted to make a big budget action picture.  They had no idea they were creating an iconic masterpiece.  Most classics don’t know that going in.

Several action series have tried to mimic this formula since its release in 1988.  The “Fast & Furious”, “Mission: Impossible”, and “John Wick” franchises come to mind.  None of these come close.  “Die Hard” gave every guy who wanted to see a “guy movie” the argument to his girlfriend of how those types of films can actually be great if done well.  The next time you are having a bad day, just think of John McClane.   Picking glass out of his feet, off of a 12 hour flight, desperate for a cigarette, all the while being hunted by Hans Gruber.  That is the hero we need and deserve.

Suck Factor: 0 out of 7 (7 means your movie really SUCKS!)

Written by Byrd

*The Suck Factor! – How it Works

I’ve flipped the switch on the standard rating system for film criticism. Instead of rating a movie with stars or letters representing how good a film is, I rank films from 0 to 7 to tell you how much a movie SUCKS! So if the film is a masterpiece, like “The Godfather” for example, then it gets a 0 on my scale, meaning the movie gives 0 SUCKS! If the movie is absolutely terrible, for instance every Michael Bay film, it scores a 7 so you know to avoid it at all costs.

For all other movie review requests, feel free to comment here, or send us a message! & Don’t forget to sign up for updates in the sidebar to the right so you’ll never miss a review!

Follow on Bloglovin
Continue Reading

“Bright” Film Review

"Bright" Will Smith

“Bright”

Dir; David Ayer.  Starring; Will Smith, Joel Edgerton, Noomi Rapace.  2017.  TV-MA.  Color.  117 min.

"Bright" Movie Poster

“Bright” is the jaw-dropping new fantasy action film from director David Ayer.  Jaw-dropping in the sense that it is so awful you will be incapable of closing your mouth as you are constantly screaming at your television due to the stupidity of what is happening before your eyes.  Characters are one-dimensional, action sequences are loud and obnoxious, and the script is racism 101 as presented by the unintelligent.  The director of “Suicide Squad” has out done himself in presenting us with an exercise in non-sensical moviemaking.

In an alternate reality, Orcs, Elves, Fairies, and various other mystical creatures have existed alongside humans for thousands of years.  In the modern day, Elves have become the rich elite and Orcs are the impoverished working class/gang members (white people versus minorities, in case Ayer doesn’t make the metaphor blatantly obvious enough).  Will Smith plays officer Daryl Ward, a South Central L.A. cop hardened by years of policing one of the most dangerous cities in America.  His new partner is Nick Jakoby (Joel Edgerton, the only actor actually trying in this mess), the first Orc police officer in history.  Ward hates his new partner, as humans hate Orcs in general.  Jakoby has dreamed his whole life of being a cop and, despite the blatant racism throughout the precinct, he is proud to wear that shield.

During a routine neighborhood stop, the two men encounter Tikka (Lucy Fry), a young Elf frightened and afraid.  She has stolen a magic wand from her sinister boss Leilah (A forgettable Noomi Rapace), who must get it back to bring about the apocalypse, or something like that.  Magic Wands are the ultimate weapon, but only a Bright can yield such power.  Don’t ask me why or what makes one a Bright, just go with it.  Corrupt cops, dangerous Mexican gangsters, and evil Elf ninjas quickly learn that the trio have a wand, and all will stop at nothing to get this powerful weapon for themselves.  Thus ensues an overlong chase sequence of random explosions and night club shootouts as Ward and Jakoby fight for their lives to protect the world from ultimate destruction.

Almost nothing in this film makes sense.  Bad guys walk into rooms and just start aimlessly shooting machine guns at the camera.  Cars flip about on a whim, constantly defying gravity and logic.  My favorite example of how dumb this movie is comes with the head of the Mexican gang, who is in a wheelchair.  He wants the wand so he can walk again.  Our heroes and the gangsters get into a multi-block car chase, shoot at each other as they run through countless clubs and apartments, before the gangsters finally have them cornered.  Out of nowhere, the head honcho literally rolls in to make his menacing speech.  The guy is in a damn wheelchair, how the hell did he keep up with all this chaos?!  And on top of that, as soon as his speech is done, three Elf ninjas show up out of nowhere and take out a legion of gangsters just in the nick of time so that the heroes can escape and the action can continue.  Keep in mind, this is just ONE example of the idiocy that exists here.

“Bright” is on the intelligence level of Sunday morning cartoons, such as a “My Little Pony”.  If this were made for four-year-olds, I would have no issue.  Instead, Ayer tries to infuse this story with the same gritty realism that made him famous with his far superior “End of Watch”.  Needless to say, that was a bad idea.  Corrupt cops, violent street gangs, and strip clubs mixed with magic wands and Orc racism is utterly laughable.

Will Smith has made some horrible movies throughout his career, always banking on the audience to care because he has that “Fresh Prince” charisma.  In “Bright”, the only time Smith seems to be trying comes during slow motion shots of him shooting a shotgun while looking cool.  Fun drinking game, every time Smith yells “Oh Shit!” take a drink.  That way you won’t be sober by the end of this film, and hopefully the alcohol helps you forget what just happened over the last two hours.

Suck Factor: out of 7 (7 means your movie really SUCKS!)

Written by Byrd

*The Suck Factor! – How it Works

I’ve flipped the switch on the standard rating system for film criticism. Instead of rating a movie with stars or letters representing how good a film is, I rank films from 0 to 7 to tell you how much a movie SUCKS! So if the film is a masterpiece, like “The Godfather” for example, then it gets a 0 on my scale, meaning the movie gives 0 SUCKS! If the movie is absolutely terrible, for instance every Michael Bay film, it scores a 7 so you know to avoid it at all costs.

For all other movie review requests, feel free to comment here, or send us a message! & Don’t forget to sign up for updates in the sidebar to the right so you’ll never miss a review!

Follow on Bloglovin
Continue Reading
1 2 3 9